Individualism in the Polarized World

The other day I was walking by a store in my hometown and they had a sign that really resonated with me. It wrote:

“Opinions are the medium between knowledge and ignorance”

This past year I’ve made a conscious effort to leave my own subjective opinions and bias out of my conversations in order to really listen to what others had to say.  Throughout the years, I took much offence to the opinions of others.  I felt so much frustration and wrongly believed that my views were inherently superior to those of my peers.  It took me quite some time to acknowledge that I was doing myself a disservice by automatically taking offence to others opinions – especially over certain controversies of the day simply because I see it differently.  The truth is, getting offended by absolutely everything you disagree with in your day to day life will drive you mad – and is completely unnecessary.

Now this is in no way an attempt to disregard the feelings of others (conscious or unconscious) or decisions they have made to be offended, over issues that I have no insight on.  The important thing to understand is no matter how much of an effort you make to be conscious of it – it will still happen.  We are human and imperfect.  We are all subject to offence, whether we would like to admit it or not.

The issue I see with young adults or anyone for that matter in taking offence to so many things is the negativity that follows – and that clings for dear life.  More times than not, offence happens through automatic emotional reaction.  This instant reaction tricks your mind into thinking the said statement directly intended to offend you – but that is too simple to be the case.  And that horrible invigorating feeling that you experience is a direct consequence of your choice to be offended.  While it may be hard to admit at first, offence cannot be given but only taken.

I have found different perspectives that have helped me grow in ways I didn’t know were possible and hope that some of my readers will make the same effort next time they are participating in a difficult conversation.  Starting with a quote I love from an old book I read somewhere.

“Go through life expecting to learn something from each and every person you meet and you will always take something away from it that is valuable.”

I was listening to the radio the other night and a young woman came on from Queen’s University, to talk on a radio show (can’t remember the name) about the polarizing environment we’ve found ourselves in, with both political and social issues.  She is a part of the indigenous community and elaborated on her involvement with the indigenous student community at the university.  I found her to be incredibly articulate and insightful.  What she proposed was absolutely correct and in fact essential in order to progress within our communities.  She encouraged those with strong opinions to engage with others that may challenge their views.  She went on to describe two different scenarios that you would be left with after putting yourself out there.  Either you learn something you didn’t know /had never thought of OR you will feel stronger in your own opinions.  In other words, its a win-win.

I’m sure many have observed this while interacting with our peers, families as well as in academic environments, but differentiating opinions tend to divide people nowadays – rather than bring them together.  I discovered a new appreciation for having conversations with a few of my friends who think differently on the tough topics of our generation.  They challenge my views and it results in one of us learning something new – sometimes it’s even mutual.  Maybe you are interested in politics and find yourself further to the left than one of your libertarian or conservative friends.  That is totally okay.  You don’t have to be friends solely with individuals that think and believe in the same ideologies.  It’s obviously important to have those around you that relate to your views and opinions – but it is just as important to have those that challenge them.

Living in this digital age, you can find criticism everywhere.  Whether its twitter, facebook, instagram, reddit, youtube or other platforms; we live in a culture where you are subjected to offending others at any given moment.  This unfortunate truth has made our generation fearful of the implications of saying the wrong thing, which has been demonstrated through the lack of dialogue between opinionated groups.  Let me be clear, it is never admirable to intentionally offend someone on their physical appearance, race or ethnicity, mental illnesses, financial situations – the list can go on forever.  I am an empath – which can be a positive and a negative trait to possess.  However, it has given me the ability to understand more in depthly someone’s obstacles and hardships when we all have different obstacles that hinder us.  I would like to strongly encourage everyone reading this to be kind and understanding to all.  However, as individuals, (and frankly as young individuals) it is essential to be able to ask questions, to have difficult conversations, to not know exactly where you stand on the political map, on social issues etc.  In order to dig for the truth, you will ultimately be putting yourself at risk of offending someone, somewhere.

It’s pains me to think of what could’ve been with social media.  While many use it for good, one cannot ignore the obvious overflow of bullying and trolling online.  There seems to be this need to attack online for people when they scroll through their timelines.  Here’s what I learned: it isn’t worth it and has no guarantee in changing the views you might want changed.  Simply calling someone names when they disagree will not get you anywhere.  A welcoming and intellectual conversation in person however can really change the game and can be incredibly rewarding.

I find it admirable that so many of my peers and others in and out of the academic world have a desire to see change and make a difference in the world.  As a generation, we are filled with good intentions but we can still be good intentioned folks and be misguided simultaneously.  The whole point of entering the academic world is to be subjected to both scary and insightful views, to be ideologically taken apart and eventually put back together again.  My advice for those of you reading is to listen more than you speak, judge less and to question everything.  The most important thing you can do for yourself is to stay strong in your beliefs, admit when you are wrong along the way and to embrace criticism – it will inevitably lead you closer to your purpose.  

February 1, 2018February 1, 2018 by Geo Knowles

In Spirit of #BellLetsTalk

I’d like to dedicate my first post to my best friend Kristen Song, who passed away last summer.  I wish I could thank you for all your love and for being the greatest friend I have ever had.  I am forever grateful.  I miss you everyday and I doubt that will ever change.

I thought today would be the day to start my blog in spirit of #BellLetsTalk and the ever prevalent reality of mental illness.  Our generation has been classified as the most depressed generation of our time – but who can really blame us?  With the new digital age, young adults are more confused and lonely than anyone could have ever imagined.  As I tend to see it, we were the experimental generation for iphones and social media.  While I and others could provide a number of positive results of this digital age, this post will be discussing the negative.  For the most part, there are no limits or guidelines for the majority of us when it comes to technology.  In high school, I spent a disappointing amount of time on my phone fiddling with social media.  I was posting all the time which would follow with hours of checking my phone to see feedback from my peers every single time.

It took me a three years of destroying my self esteem, developing an eating disorder and losing two significant people in my life to tragedy in order to realize there was something disturbingly wrong with how I viewed myself and the world.  In other words, it really did take destroying myself in a sense to be able to rewire everything I did and thought to live a healthier and more meaningful life.  For those that know me, know I lost my brother almost two years ago to senseless homicide.  This was and still is an excruciating process.  It was my first real introduction with death and forced me to grow up at a quicker pace compared to my peers.  I spent almost the entirety of the summer afterwards in my backyard painting and spending time alone.  I smoked weed before that, but it escalated quite a lot after my brother’s death in an effort to suppress my pain and thoughts.  I began to isolate myself ever since and I virtually lost all contact with pretty much everyone in my life prior.  At the time, isolating myself seemed to be the only way forward as it became harder and harder to have the kinds of conversations prior to everything.  I told myself no one would understand including my boyfriend who I lived with at the time.  Smoking weed became a habit – a habit I turned to every time I felt anxious or depressed and it made everything significantly worse.  But I wasn’t ready to admit that to myself so I continued comforting myself in the same ways for the next two years.

It might sound strange to some, but I generally never did much alone.  In high school I was constantly with my friends drinking and partying and when I wasn’t with them – I was on my phone.  Then, I ventured off to Carleton for my first year in university and spent mostly all my days with my three closest friends doing everything together.  Carleton was one of the greatest decisions I’ve ever made, not because I was productive (sorry parents) but because I met some of the most important people I have ever met, who helped shape me into the individual I am today – including my best friend Kristen.  

For those who didn’t know Kristen Song, she’s a difficult woman to describe as everything about her defied simplicity.  Kristen loved to dance, sing, play the guitar and was a brilliant writer.  We became friends instantly after being stuck in an elevator in my residence building for two hours and she eventually became my roommate.  From then on we were inseparable and I felt as if I finally found a girl friend I could trust and console with.  For those who knew her, know she was a beautiful person.  She cared for virtually everyone and encouraged every person she met along the way to go for their dreams.  She genuinely wanted to make the lives of the people around her better.  Some of her friends knew and some I’m sure didn’t but wish they had in regards to her struggles with mental illness.  She suffered from depression since high school but had developed ways to disguise her pain for quite some time.  I hadn’t spoken to Kristen for a month before her untimely passing for reasons that seem so irrelevant now.  The last time we spoke, I told her I was feeling overwhelmed in Toronto to the point that I became suicidal and thought it was best to move back to home in order to deal with my depression.  She told me she thought it was a good idea for me to take some time to heal and urged me to call her if I was ever feeling suicidal again.  

I’ve never spoken about my last conversation with Kristen because of my guilt and frustration but today seemed like an exceptional day for those to learn and take from my experience.  Friends tend to get in silly fights and we sometimes remain stubborn for fear of admitting we were wrong.  But I can tell you it is worth it to be wrong.  If someone had told me that a month after I told Kristen I was having suicidal thoughts, she would be the one to go – I would have never believed them.  Which is why I cannot stress enough that you truly never know what your closest friends might be thinking or feeling.  It takes more than hashtags and promoting awareness – it takes being present for those you love.

Somewhere along the way, I lost 25 pounds, couldn’t manage to pull myself out of bed and couldn’t bear it any longer. I decided to take a break from social media and technology in general, cut down the amount of weed I was smoking and it was the greatest thing I have ever done for myself.  I started forming my days with the simplest of activities like reading in the park, going to cafes, painting, working out in the mornings and writing my thoughts down as forms of therapy.

Young people today are spending up to 50 hours a week indoors watching various types of media.  If you have time to watch 50 hours a week of media, that gives you very minimal time for exercise, outdoor adventures and face to face interactions.  The key to a peaceful and prosperous life is balance.  And yet, we allow these devices to integrate into every aspect of our lives without even realizing it.  Heads are constantly down rather than looking at what’s right in front of them.  We have become so enticed with the virtual world, so much so that the average person does not use it wisely.  If we could refrain from allowing technology to suffocate the art out of real life experiences and out of our relationships maybe we would realize our eyes and presence are much more valuable than a camera.

For those of you out there who are suffering and read this post, I am here and care to listen.  If you need a friend or advice, I am still here.  I am still living with depression and anxiety but I have found joy in everyday life once again, something I have envied for the past two years – you can too.  Suffering from mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of and neither is reaching out for help.  If anything, it can free you.

Kristen Song 1997-2017 – never forgotten, always missed.

January 31, 2018January 31, 2018 by Geo Knowles